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Here are some Interesting Jokes

Mouse Hunt
John caught two mice and put them in his pocket. He went home, tied one of the mice to his bed and said to his wife, "Prepare a sumptuous meal for 20 people, they are coming to us for dinner. I am going to the shuk. He went to the shuk and there invited 20 friends. He took one mouse out of his pocket and told it, "Go to my wife and tell her that we have guests, and she must prepare a meal for 20 people. Then tell her to tie you to my bed."
Everyone laughed, and said, "Poor John, there will be no food when we will come to his house, but lets go and make fun of him." They came to his house and there was a sumptuous meal waiting for them. They where amazed to see that the mouse gave the message to his wife, and that she had tied it to the bed afterwards.
A rich friend of his who was there very excitedly told him, "Sell me this mouse for 100 Dhirams. "No", said John, "It is too precious." "200 Dhirams", said the man, then immediately upped his offer to 300. "Agreed", said John and he sold the mouse for a good price. The wealthy man went home and told his wife, "I bought a fantastic animal." He went to the shuk and invited 50 friends for a big party. He pulled the mouse out of his pocket and told it, "Go and tell my wife to prepare the meal and then to tie you to my bed."
"The friends came but the table was empty. He complained to his wife, "But I sent you the mouse to tell you to prepare for our guests." She shouted at him, "You're crazy! What mouse?" All the guests laughed at him and he got very angry. He took John to court and explained the story. The judge asked John, "What have you got to say for yourself?"
"I have one question to him. Did he give the mouse the address of his home?" "No." "So how do you want it to find the place?" The judge replied, "That's quite right. Case dismissed."

Shoe Repair
Sy comes home after his mother's funeral to try to put the place in order. He goes up to the attic to look around and finds an old trunk. Looking in it, he discovers his father's WWll uniform. Sy tries it on and it's a little tight on him. Before taking it off, he puts his hand in the pocket and comes up with a ticket. Looking at it, he finds a shoe repair
ticket for Herman's on West 53rd, dated January 14th, 1942. He can barely believe it. An unclaimed ticket 55 years old. Weeks later, Sy happens to be in the area of West 53rd and wanders over to see where the shoe repair was. He can't believe his good luck, a shoe repair store is still there. He wanders in and tells the story of finding the ticket to the old man. The man says his name is Herman and has owned the shop for 60 years. "Gimme the ticket" says Herman and wanders to the back of the shop. Sy is amazed. What good fortune! What a coincidence! Only in America! Herman comes back. "I've  got your shoes. They'll be done tomorrow!"

Ethnic Stereotypes
God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."
Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested." Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are not interested," they answered.
Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten of them!"

Weather Predictions
An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?"  "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold.  The next day, people were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?"
The chief replied, "I dunno. Radio broken."

Watch Out!
A funeral service is being held in a Synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive ... She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same Synagogue, and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.  As they are walking down the aisle the husband cries out.....
"Watch out for the wall!!!"

Virus Alerts
Lewinsky Virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer,then e-mails everyone about what it did.
Kenneth Starr Virus:
Competely examines every aspect of your computer, then compiles a complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer.
Ronald Reagan Virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Mike Tyson Virus:
Quits after two bytes. Spits everything out.
Oprah Winfrey Virus:
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus:
Deletes all old files.
Ellen Degeneres Virus:
Disks can no longer be inserted.
Titanic Virus:
Your whole computer goes down.
Disney Virus:
Everything in your computer goes Goofy.
Prozac Virus:
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
Joey Buttafuoco Virus:
Only attacks minor files.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:
Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.
Lorena Bobbit Virus:
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.
Viagra Virus:
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
Clinton Virus:
Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.

A true story
The pretty coed was shocked when the biology professor asked her "What part of the human anatomy enlarges to about 10 times its normal size during periods of emotion or excitement?" "I - I - I refuse to answer that question," the girl stammered and blushingly turned her face away. Another student was asked the same question and answered correctly,"The pupil of the eye." "Miss Fenster," said the professor, "your refusal to answer the question leads me to three conclusions. One: You didn't study last night's assignment. Two: You have a dirty mind Three: Your marriage will be a tremendous disappointment."
Differences between Men and Women
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: They want to be a man's last romance.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot  and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.Any married man should forget his mistakes. no use in two people remembering the same thing.
It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very core of intelligence

Employee Evaluation
Be sure to read through to the bottom...

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

You might be a high-tech redneck if...
Your wife said either she or the computer had to go,
and you still don't miss her.
Married people don't live longer than single people.
It just seems longer.
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

TELL ME WHAT IT IS ...
Arnold Schwartzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
Liberace didn't use his with women, Jerry Seinfeld is very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's .     What is it? .......

....... A last name
 

 Oxymorons
Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Genuine imitation
Same difference
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Living dead
Military intelligence
New classic
"Now, then ..."
Synthetic natural gas
Clearly misunderstood
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Working vacation
Exact estimate
and one of my personal favorites: Microsoft Works
--Indian made foreign liquor

Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that
it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit
she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history....

Man is incomplete before marriage, After marriage, he is finished!